Lissabird Makes Good: Zen

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Zen

I've been in quite a mood over turning 30 today (sorry Somer!). I didn't say I have been in a bad mood-- just a mood. I haven't been sure how to feel about it.

My cute husband took me out for dinner tonight (where I tried sushi for the first time. Just a CA roll-- but please don't take this tiny victory away from me!) When we returned to my sister's house to pick up the baby, she informed me that I was snippy during a phone conversation earlier that day. I came to the profound conclusion that I must have been feeling bad about the whole ordeal. Then she produced Eclairs from Dick's Market and I instantly felt better. After she stuck some candles in my eclairs, and spent a theatrically long time lighting them, it came time to make a wish.

"I don't know what to wish for!" I said, panicking slightly about all the wax sheeting onto the world-famous chocolate frosting. For so much of my life I have always had desperate wishes on the tip of my tongue.

My sister was just as surprised as I was. "Really?" she asked. "You don't need anything?"

"..."

"Well then-- hooray for having no wish! Blow those candles out!"

2 comments:

CrazyMonkeyHouse said...: Really? No sushi until just now? That's so foreign to me! Ahi (tuna) sushi was my first solid food.

I'm so proud of you! Way to try a roll! Next stop, saba!; March 13, 2009 at 9:21 AM
Somer Love said...: Yay for a CA roll notice I didn't say sushi.... Ill take it tho!

You are so going with me one of these days!

It's ok about the mood! I think it was fixed by Fri night :); March 16, 2009 at 5:16 PM

Post a Comment

Who am I?

I have lived with Chronic Pain for 20 years-- that's two thirds of my life. I have RSD/CRPS in my left foot as a result of an auto/pedestrian accident when I was 10 years old. RSD has been called one of the most painful diseases out there, and the stress of it on my growing body caused a whole host of new problems. After a few years, pain took over every inch of me.

A few years ago, I decided to look at my health (or lack there of) from a whole new perspective. Whole, being the operative word-- whole body and mind. I have resisted the idea of the mind/body connection because, to me, that meant the pain was somehow in my head. But I have come to realize that of course stress would affect my overall health and my pain level.

So I decided to face the greatest source of stress in my life, even though it had been one of my most closely guarded secrets: mental illness devoured the last recognizable shreds of my mother's personality when I was a teen. I didn't know what was happening, and I worried that it was somehow my fault (because she told me it was). We didn't really have the internet back then (Yep. Feeling old-- and loving it!) and mental illness is one the last taboos to fall, so I was pathetically alone in my attempt to understand my life. This is my shout out to anyone else stuck in a similar situation. Life can get better, but you have to take care of yourself first.

My mom eventually did take her life-- a few weeks before I found out that I was pregnant. Suddenly, I found myself facing motherhood, and feeling slightly less than ready for the task. So I started writing. I wrote about my mom. I wrote about living in pain. Then the two began to intertwine in ways I had never let myself consider. It was an amazing experience.

Once the mess in my head was a little more organized, I went back to the doctors to learn all that I could about what happened to my body. I read the research myself, I did everything I could think of to break the pain cycle long enough to let my nervous system reset. Regular massage and chiropractic appointments lowered my pain levels on their own, but on top of that I did yoga, walked regularly, and took a laundry list of supplements and natural remedies. (Most effective: Fibro Response by Source Naturals: Magnesium, B and D complexes, MSM and Apple Cider Vinegar) Check out the Body Project Tag to see what I did.

I still have RSD/CRPS in my foot and I always will. But I learned to separate that from the pain I felt in my other limbs, back and face. I have determined that it was all a giant breakdown of my body's natural cycle and ability to process pain signals caused by the RSD, and the stress of losing my mother. This breakdown is sometimes called Central Sensitization Syndrome or Fibromyalgia. The way I thought about the pain went from it being a horrible disease that would never go away, to being an interruption that I could correct.

I'm working on it.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Zen

2 comments:

Who am I?

me and the hubs

Rosabella Eliza Alice

Blog Archive

Labels

counter