CAPS left and right, just like that Dooce lady.

Haven't been here in a while...

But I have some big news worth firing up Blogger for: I can bend my ankle a tiny bit more. I know... I should have made sure you were all sitting down for that one. If that statement didn't knock you off your chair, then let me explain. RSD/CRPS caused my achilles tendon to shorten, which limited the movement in my ankle to just a hair past 90 degrees. That's not quite enough to walk normally. But over the last month or two I began to notice a change. The stairs got a little easier. When I danced, I found that I could bend my knee and my ankle at the same time (a little). Then finally, I thought I would try walking like a normal person (bending my knee instead picking my leg up, and swinging from the hip). IT WORKED! And it felt AMAZING. I haven't taken steps like that for 21 years. It takes too much concentration to walk like that all the time, but I'm practicing.

In the past I have spent countless hours in physical therapy, or doing exercises at home to loosen my ankle, but it never budged. Here's the thing. I haven't been in PT. This just happened by itself. I feel like the RSD just let go. I was HAPPY with the huge pain relief I got from my Body Project antics, but now my body is physically changing for the better, and reversing some of the damage chronic illness caused. Happy doesn't begin to describe what I'm feeling now.

The Body Project: Update

I really think I've done it! I think the Fibromyalgia is in remission, and the RSD/CRPS is still there, but it behaves itself most of the time. My feet still ache when they get cold, or I exert myself too much. And I get pretty achy at night, but I am 31 years old, so I guess that could be normal. Considering where I've been, and how severe my symptoms could be, I'll take a few age appropriate aches and pains. I am still overly sensitive to small injuries that really shouldn't be painful, so I guess my central nervous system could work a little better but believe me, I'm not complaining. I know that another disruption could easily happen, but I feel like I have the knowledge and the ability to reverse it again.

Speaking of being 31... I just had a birthday. I have been overwhelmed with caring for my sick family (and myself) so I have yet to post my thoughts about getting older.

They are brief, but here they are:
I am proud of myself and my choices.
I believe that I have created happiness in my life, and that I deserve it.
Good for me.

I am a (mostly accidental) Genius

I just went to visit my hormone guru, Dr. Foster to consult about my fertility woes. Things should be looking up from here.

Anywho, I told her all about my Body Project. She cringed when I said Lyrica and Cymbalta, but I explained about the ascending and descending pain pathway theory, and that my goal was to interrupt the pain cycle. She later said that L and C are fine-- she just saves them for people in really desperate situations, and she agreed that they were a good idea. She said, "I bet the doctor you went to is giving that combination to other patients now." I said probably not, since he refuses to treat Fibromyalgia.

Dr. Foster said that by flooding my brain with neurotransmitters and then going off the drugs and plunging into withdrawal, I essentially hit the reset button on my central nervous system. While I feel better than I can ever remember, I hesitate in recommending this strategy to the faint of heart. I was highly motivated to get off the drugs so that I could get pregnant again. Otherwise, I think it would have been much more tempting to go back on the pills, just to bring the awful withdrawal symptoms to an end. I read many posts online from other people trying to beat a Cymbalta addiction, and they were all very disturbing.

I also told Dr. Foster about the supplements I took, (mainly Fibro Response by Source Naturals, Glucosamine/Chondroitin, Omega Mom, and Vitex) and she commended me for approaching my pain with an inquisitive, open mind, and for doing my "homework." She said I did a good job helping my body heal itself (even if I used scary pills to do it.)

It was a lovely visit, and hopefully my hormones will get back under control soon. A little boost of Progesterone will also help ease inflammation, so I'm looking forward to feeling even better!

The Yoga Superstars (and me)

Let me preface this entry with a Body Project Update:
All three of you might remember that I attempted to ease my neurological and muscular pain disorder by experimenting with a few gifts from BIG PHARMA. I wanted to see if I could break the pain cycle and help my body eventually heal itself. I took Lyrica and Cymbalta for about 6 months, and felt like a drug addict thanks to a multitude of side effects, but I was pain free for the most part. The RSD/CRPS symptoms in my left leg were still in full swing, but my other limbs, back, neck, and face felt fabulous.

Then I went off all of the drugs. It was awful. The HORRENDOUS withdrawal process followed by the WORSE THAN EVER pain flare made me feel like a fantastic failure.

But after about three months, it dawned on me that I was feeling better. I realized that it had been more than two weeks since I needed to take 1-3 baths everyday to cope with pain. I noticed that my energy level was creeping back up. Everyone, pain disorder or not, has bad days and I am no exception. I don't feel great everyday, but I have many, many, more good days than bad. I have been treating this tiny remission very gently, terrified that if I got crazy and walked too far (like, say, from one side of the grocery store to the other) that an unstoppable pain cycle would start all over again.

Then I went to Yoga. I was (am!) sore-- don't get me wrong. But it used too be that my sore muscles would aggravate my nerves, which would cause a burning so intense I couldn't tolerate my clothes. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN THIS TIME!!! Can you tell that I'm a little excited?

I even went back to yoga tonight. I was late, and got sandwiched between Yoga Goddesses 1 and 2 with their headstands and adept Flipping the Dog. At one point my right arm was shaking so violently under the strain of my 97th inverted pose that I had to hold it still with my other hand. But I was there. I finished the class, and I felt amazing.

Namaste.