Oh, Yoga.

I skipped yoga last week because I didn't want to worsen the pain flare. But then I decided somewhere around Wednesday, that I should have gone because the stretching and the movement might actually break the cycle instead of making it worse.

Well I went last night. The class was easier than it has been, but I'm still pretty sore. My teacher does a great job of reminding us to find our own pose, and not to worry about how bendy or intense our neighbors are. I'm pretty sure that the Relaxin (my favorite hormone name, ever) never left my body because I can bend like a noodle. It's the power poses that get me. Here's hoping I can turn the corner soon, and start feeling great again.

The Yoga Superstars (and me)

Let me preface this entry with a Body Project Update:
All three of you might remember that I attempted to ease my neurological and muscular pain disorder by experimenting with a few gifts from BIG PHARMA. I wanted to see if I could break the pain cycle and help my body eventually heal itself. I took Lyrica and Cymbalta for about 6 months, and felt like a drug addict thanks to a multitude of side effects, but I was pain free for the most part. The RSD/CRPS symptoms in my left leg were still in full swing, but my other limbs, back, neck, and face felt fabulous.

Then I went off all of the drugs. It was awful. The HORRENDOUS withdrawal process followed by the WORSE THAN EVER pain flare made me feel like a fantastic failure.

But after about three months, it dawned on me that I was feeling better. I realized that it had been more than two weeks since I needed to take 1-3 baths everyday to cope with pain. I noticed that my energy level was creeping back up. Everyone, pain disorder or not, has bad days and I am no exception. I don't feel great everyday, but I have many, many, more good days than bad. I have been treating this tiny remission very gently, terrified that if I got crazy and walked too far (like, say, from one side of the grocery store to the other) that an unstoppable pain cycle would start all over again.

Then I went to Yoga. I was (am!) sore-- don't get me wrong. But it used too be that my sore muscles would aggravate my nerves, which would cause a burning so intense I couldn't tolerate my clothes. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN THIS TIME!!! Can you tell that I'm a little excited?

I even went back to yoga tonight. I was late, and got sandwiched between Yoga Goddesses 1 and 2 with their headstands and adept Flipping the Dog. At one point my right arm was shaking so violently under the strain of my 97th inverted pose that I had to hold it still with my other hand. But I was there. I finished the class, and I felt amazing.

Namaste.

Candy In One Hand

I went back to yoga with my sister on New Year's Day. I dropped out a few years ago for some reason. There was that pregnancy thing... and then the baby. Somehow-- despite my rampant free time, readily available childcare, and abundant energy at the end of a day with my daughter-- my studio practice became just a fond memory from my past. I kept up at home, but it's never the same.

I knew that my sister had become quite the yogi in my absence, and was prepared to feel less than spiritual compared to her... but holy smokes. She was whipping out full back bands and crow poses like they're easy, or something. I spent more than my fair share of time curled up in a sad little ball, I mean resting in child's pose, when I should have been holding my unayanabonda (not even google knows how to spell that-- sorry.)

But the best part about my first effort to improve myself this new year is that I have not lost as much ground as I had feared. I can still rock the balance poses, I can follow the vocab, and the power poses weren't nearly as hard as I thought they would be.

The workshop as a whole was quite emotional for me. It's probably because I'm in the middle of the world's biggest hormone imbalance, but each time we chanted together my voice would break, and I'd fight back tears (for no apparent freaking reason!) Our teacher asked us to chant our strength and share it with everyone in the class. All told, I had a pretty great year, so I tried to keep my voice clear and strong to share my good 2009 energy and greet 2010... After about my 9th try, I finally managed an OM without swallowing sobs. I'm such a nerd, but 70 people chanting together was such a joyful noise, I couldn't help myself.

My new goal is to remember Ganesh, the Remover of Obstacles. Like him I will keep sweets in one hand, and leave the other one open, because if my hands are full I won't have room for something new a fabulous to come into my life.

I am so going back to yoga on Monday.